Life with Devorah: Four Years of Gold

My wife can do anything.

When I met Devorah, she was starring in a local play. And frankly, she was fantastic. Acting is not easy. It’s one of those things lots of people think they can do, but when they try, it just falls flat. Why? Because it’s super complex. There are so many elements to think about at once. There is massive pressure. And you are essentially channeling another life, another soul. To do it well, you are crawling into the psyche of someone who is not you. Someone who may not exist or have ever existed.

But when Devorah gets in front of an audience, she makes it look easy.

Devorah: Just an Actress?

So there I was. I met someone. I had sworn off dating and I had pretty much given up on the possibility of having a meaningful relationship ever again.

But the world had different plans for me. And it looked like I was going to be dating an actress.

Except I knew nothing.

Despite her massive talent, acting wasn’t Devorah’s essence. It wasn’t her bread and butter. It was something she was doing at the time. And excelling at. But it was hardly the only thing she could do. No, I hadn’t even scratched the surface.

Before I came into the picture, she had not only acted in shows, but she had actually directed a show as well. In fact, I would later hear her friends refer to her directing as the “gold standard” in the community.

But wait. There’s more!

This ultra-talented chick cuts hair (including mine), does makeup, sings, dances, sews, makes and fixes jewelry, cooks, bakes, does pole, draws, and probably another half dozen things I’ll later be embarrassed about when I realize I forgot to mention them.

How can one person be so blessed with so many talents?

It almost seems unfair.

Persistence and Tenacity

Nevertheless, I was fortunate enough to find someone like this, because it’s an inspiration for someone like me who would like nothing more than to pile on the knowledge and abilities and skills and whatever else the world can throw my way.

I’m truly lucky and blessed that someone with so much walked into my life.

And even though when we met I was actually dopey enough to say things like, “I can imagine happily staying single for many years to come,” I’ll always feel blessed that she ignored my words, and alongside all of these amazing skills I listed, you can add persistence and tenacity as character traits that helped get us to where we are now.

Thank goodness for that… because God knows I was too oblivious to even realize what had just walked into my life!

How Do You Know?

Yet I didn’t fall for a multi-talented artist. I didn’t get head over heels because my wife would cut my hair, make a healthy version of my favorite ice cream, or can magically turn me into the Dread Pirate Roberts or Edwards Scissorhands. No, that’s all icing on the cake.

I have never met someone so kind and caring in my entire life. When we were dating, we shared a really special and incredible moment. The dating world is hard. People are always wondering how you know you found someone you should cling to. How do you know you found that special someone you can legitimately picture spending the rest of your life with?

Well, there’s no great answer. Any attempt will fall short. Relationships are ultra-complex organisms. Try to scientifically compute compatibility will inevitably fail. And even if you could somehow create the perfect algorithm, tomorrow’s a new day. Life is dynamic. The person you are today could shift with tomorrow’s circumstances or chemical changes in the system. The delicate balance can be thrown off, and what once was perfect will no longer be so.

Proud and Happy

Nevertheless, one of the best descriptions I ever read about what to look for said you should be with someone for whom you’d be proud and happy if your children grew up to be like them.

We read that statement together and almost came to tears, knowing full well we’d love nothing more.

If any of my children, current or future, grew up to have Devorah’s spark, her inherent creativity and talent, and moreover her compassion for the people in her life, I’d be more than happy. I’d be so far beyond proud. Words couldn’t capture the happiness I’d feel.

And that’s the magic that walked into my life just over four years ago.

Life circumstances have repeatedly left me broken. Sometimes feeling a bit empty inside. And I’m still quite a bit broken. And I still have a deep emptiness burning inside me, one that I wish could be filled. One that I can’t truly process.

Happiness is Coming!

But some cute, curly-haired lady sat next to me at a Shabbat meal in Jerusalem, and everything in my life shifted. I finally had hope where hope previously had eluded me. I felt feelings of joy I thought would never be a part of my life. Am I broken? Yes… but the pieces are starting to come together again. Is the feeling of emptiness still present? For sure… but less so than before.

But moreover, they come with feelings of hope where hopelessness previously prevailed. There is a new feeling inside of me that despite all the difficulties I have been through, I’m making a comeback. A good and beautiful life awaits!

Devorah, you are so special and precious to me.

I don’t know if I say it enough, but God knows I certainly feel it all the time.

When you walked into my life, it symbolized for me that not only do I deserve happiness, but it’s a real and present possibility.

Thank you for being there for me, for supporting me in all that I do. Thank you for making me laugh and making me smile. Thank you for taking care of all of us, and bringing so much light into our household.

I am blessed that you are in my life.

I love you so damn much.