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It’s a funny thing, annual anniversary posts. In some ways, they get harder and harder to write each year. With each passing year, so much of life’s little things can easily interfere with the exciting and meaningful process of bonding together with another person.
And it’s been a bit exaggerated in our thoroughly peculiar times, since for two-thirds of our marriage, the world was basically stopped dead in its tracks. It’s not that we’ve done nothing. We’ve done a lot, both separately and as a couple. Life is moving forward. Stories are occurring and fond memories are being created. But so much of life’s pleasures have been either downplayed or outright damaged.
The World Came to a Halt
I love hosting. Whether it was Couch Surfers in the days or random people I met who we decided to have over for a Shabbat lunch, my home always seemed to be filled with people… And now it’s filled with three people (and a dog). And the guests have run dry.
I used to hate travel. Devorah yanked me in and made me appreciate the smells of Brussels and the splendor of Vienna… before borders closed and life as we knew it came to a halt.
At the beginning of this bizarre pandemic, there was mass speculation that the divorce rates would spike across the world. People would, for the first time in their marriages, be forced to (gasp!) spend full days and weeks and months with their significant others, woefully underprepared for what that meant. And then the depressing Facebook posts would begin. Instead of Wordle updates and people showing their antigen tests, we’d be seeing people advertising for the world to see that they were now happily divorced.
I don’t know if the mass marriage exodus ever occurred. I certainly hope not and it doesn’t feel that way. But I can tell you this. Nothing budged in the Jaffe household.
And why is that?
Why do we still look at each other lovingly? Why was I not worried a pandemic would shatter our foundations and make our union crumble beneath us?
So many reasons!
But today I want to speak about five.
1) My Favorite Conversation Partner
Devorah is still my favorite person to chat with. We can easily talk for hours into the night. In the good ole days of dating, sleep felt like a thing of the past. There was so much to discover about each other! Who has time for smashing your head against the pillow?
But as the years go by, it’s easy to assume the conversations are going to run dry. We know what each other is thinking. We live together and work from home, so we don’t need to update each other at the end of the day. And to be frank, the last two years have not exactly been action-packed. Hard to have a deep conversation about sitting indoors and waiting for a pandemic to end…
Nevertheless, we’re still talking up a storm. And we’re still loving it!
2) Loving to Laugh Together
And part of the reason the conversations are still so enjoyable is because they’re often filled with so much laughter. So whether we’re unpacking a weekend with the kids or trying to figure out what to do about dinner or we’re trying to pinpoint what was so abysmal about the final episode of How I Met Your Mother, we’re smiling and laughing and having a great time together.
I love Devorah’s laugh and I love making her laugh. And it certainly doesn’t hurt that this crazy lady enjoys my sense of humor. It’s a fantastic combination! And leads to a positive and enjoyable life. I hope we laugh together forever and ever!
3) Through Good Times, and Bad Times
But life isn’t always easy. Days can be long and hard, and when times are tough, it’s good to know you have a partner to work with you through the challenges.
And I couldn’t even imagine a better partner to have by my side.
Whether it’s helping me deal with broken phones or hugging me through a stressful morning, Devorah’s always got my back. When a tear needs to be shed, hers is the shoulder I want to cry on. And I know it’s always there, waiting for me, to comfort me and help me along to the next day.
And there is no one in the world I want to be there more than my Devorah.
4) Growing and Learning Together
There’s also no one I want to grow alongside of.
It’s well documented that I fear what happens when a couple isn’t growing together. It’s the biggest secret of a strong, long-term marriage. You either grow together, or you grow apart. But growth is inevitable.
And for two people who love learning and gaining new skills as much as we do, it’s arguably even more complex. Most people are different people every few years. But we’re liable to be new people after just a few days! It’s hard to keep up with.
But it’s a beautiful and pleasant ride when you enjoy your travel partner this much.
I look forward to learning and growing together for the rest of my days!
It's the biggest secret of a strong, long-term marriage. You either grow together, or you grow apart. But growth is inevitable. Share on X5) It’s Just Right, Damnit
But when all the smoke clears, sometimes it’s something philosophical, or even spiritual, that makes sure to be the superglue holding a couple tightly together.
Sometimes you look up to the sky and just know in your heart of hearts you made the right decision, and at the end of the day, everything is going to be alright.
And sometimes weird “signs” poke their noses into your business in a wacky and repeated way that can only be called one thing: “spooky”.
253 Revisited
For those who don’t know, while Devorah and I were dating, I made the bizarre discovery that the numerical value of each our Hebrew names was identical (253). Statistically miraculous. But ultimately meaningless, in and of itself. Not a reason to marry someone, to be sure. But really interesting. And noteworthy. And, as already stated, rather spooky.
But that would be all fine and good by itself. But this enigmatic number seems to be following us around everywhere we go, like we’re in some wild science fiction series (yes, I’m talking about you Manifest!). The most dramatic examples involved hotel rooms we’ve stayed in. In fact, the only two hotel rooms we’ve stayed in since our wedding night. In New York, we stayed in room 506 (253 x 2) and at the Dead Sea we stayed in room 759 (253 x3… on our third anniversary).
What could you say about this? Honestly, I have no idea. At all. Seriously, none. Is something or someone trying to send us a message? Perhaps. What the hell do I know?
All I can say is: It’s not even needed. This is just sugar-free icing on the gluten-free cake. I don’t need numbers to realize I married the right person.
Isn’t it just obvious?
