Toward a Great Life: Standing on the Ashes of 2020

So… I’m back.

Did you miss me?

It’s been an odd deal, being away from writing as long as I was. It almost feels like life, temporarily, was something I wasn’t even trying to understand.

Normally I look at everything I see and do, from the news to the crazy Israeli in the store trying to ruin my day, and I immediately think to myself: If I were to tell this story, and I wanted to draw a conclusion from what I experienced, how would I present my thoughts and feelings right here on this blog?

The Month Away

But I just spent the past month thinking: How can I make the header and the signup forms better? How can I get the images I want to look the way I want them to look, and show up when and where I want them to? And a hundred other questions, many of which I’m nowhere near finding answers for.

And even though these are all important questions, and I know I’ll take greater pride in this site if it looks nicer and gets more attention, the lack of writing in my life was very real. And now as I start clicking away on the keyboard again, it’s like my eyes have opened a teeny bit wider. I’m no longer just allowed to be a silent observer of the world.

I need to observe, and I need to observe carefully. And I need to try with all my power to understand all the craziness and express that understanding to the best of my ability.

Not a simple task! But I’m so glad I’m doing it again. I’m so glad I’m ready to put that back on my shoulders, because without this, my life feels just ever-so-slightly emptier.

And I can’t have that any longer! (Even though I still really want to get the images to look better!)

45th Year of My Life

We’re now in the 45th year of my life.

Circumstances made the previous year very challenging. Believe it or not, Corona was just one piece to a very big pie.

I had a lot of hope for the year, and bits and pieces of those hopes were realized. Many others fell behind.

So what are my choices?

I can pout about last year. Wallow in my difficulties, beat myself up about unrealized accomplishments, and just go to sleep depressed that it wasn’t what I was expecting it to be.

I can cling to hope. I can beg and plead from the universe that all of the complex impediments in my life will simply fall to the wayside, and I will have a beautiful, smooth trip ahead of me. Replete with only good thoughts, and even better results.

Go to Hell 2020

Or I could forget last year. I mean, let’s be honest. The challenges of 2020 will be spoken about for generations to come. They’ll poke their way into history books. Our children will talk about Corona the way we speak about 9/11. But remove the insanity we call Corona from the equation, and 2020 might be the most forgettable year of any of our lives.

For an entire year of my life, I dreaded when people asked me, “What’s new?” The only honest answer, over and over again, was, “Nothing. Absolutely nothing is new. I’ve seen monotony on a scale I never imagined possible in my life.”

So the final choice is to forget 2020 even happened. Move past the 44th year of my life as if it were some sort of drunken blackout, to be dwelled upon as little as possible.

And that’s the choice I’m making.

The Illusion of Post-Corona

Yes, I know that things aren’t great right now. But, if you live in certain countries, it’s very tempting to think of the world as being post-Corona. And for the most part, I’m back in the flow of normal life. And I’d like to preserve the illusion that it’s either going to stay the way it is now for a while, or steadily get better all the time.

So here I am, living it up like it’s 2019. Not exactly pretending like 2020 never happened. More like pretending 2020 is a burnt-down house. I’m demolishing the remains, standing on its ashes, and rebuilding as if nothing was ever there.

I had goals for the previous year of my life. 2020 was, if nothing else, a year of non-stop contemplation. Those goals haven’t gone anywhere. Some of them are at the forefront of my mind like nothing’s changed. Others are going to slip back to the back of my mind. And new goals will have wormed their way in and changed the whole game.

Life is Different Now

After all, life’s different now. Everything’s different all the time. Since I created those goals that could upset or even haunt me, I’ve learned how to chew food properly and shed a ton of weight as a result. I’ve experienced my first surgery… and the joy of anesthesia. I’ve forged new relationships, and I’ve watched from the sidelines as people I care about left this world.

I’m not the same person I was a year ago. Same great looks… but a different me. A more complex soul, if you will. And that complicated soul has no interest in crying over the past.

I embrace the adventures ahead. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I know by the time my next birthday rolls around, my life might be unrecognizable. My breathing will be a completely different phenomenon. Some health issues will be long gone, while other new ones will creep their way into my endlessly aging system. My son will be done with high school and inches away from serving in the Israeli Army.

A Little Older

I will be a little older. A little smarter, and probably a little dumber as well. And hopefully I’ll have experienced a bit more of the insanity we call life. I will have done irresponsible things and I’ll have had unforgettable experiences and I’ll have had a couple of nights here and there when I drank just a little too much.

I will not have another 2020.

Even if the world tries to throw one at me.

This year’s going to be amazing. It’s going to be action-packed.

And I’m going to have a heck of a lot to write about!