Score Another Point for the Google Doctor Warrior

Score another point for a Google warrior who will do anything to avoid a doctor’s office.

It is well documented how much I hate going to the doctor. No, I’m not afraid of shots. I don’t love them. I’m not a psychopath. My aversion to the medical world has nothing to do with fears of the poking and prodding that might ensue.

No, my dislike of the doctor experience comes from years of awful or disappointing visits. And a severe amount of wasted time. And as much as what I do can, at times, be on the dangerous side, I’m still going to do it my way, probably until the day I die (and hopefully those two things won’t be connected).

Doctors, the Early Years

My earliest memories of why I dislike doctors comes from severe chest pains I experienced as a child. Year after year I would hold my chest in violent pain, clueless as to why I was suffering like this. Doctors tossed out all sorts of ideas, haphazardly trying to diagnose me, yet barely even trying to really evaluate the situation.

The most memorable diagnosis: Growing pains. Yes, that horse vomit of a diagnosis followed me into my late 20s, with me obviously still growing all the time.

Ultimately, yes, it was doctors who figured out the problem and, to some degree, the solution. Only a couple of issues here. First, it took them over twenty years to get there. And second: My issue was, essentially, heartburn. Medical professionals in two countries couldn’t figure out that my issue was something an 8-year-old should be able to figure out, and something that could be solved, for the most part, by losing weight. Or a Tums!

Stories like these piled on over the years. Some so depressing, they could make you cry. And now that Google is ever present, and Apple Cider Vinegar is available everywhere, I’d literally try just about everything possible to avoid the frustration of another doctor visit.

Doctor vs. Apple Cider Vinegar

Speaking of Apple Cider Vinegar, my journey into the world of being a Google Doctor all started with some mysterious gross and ugly thing growing behind my ear. It was embarrassing and I wanted it gone. Some folk recommended I go to a doctor and have them freeze it and snip that sucker off.

A mighty fine suggestion… except I was broke, had no insurance, distrusted doctors, and didn’t love the idea of anyone cutting pretty much anything off of me.

So I attacked my computer with a vengeance. After extensive Google research I was relatively positive that what I had was a skin tag. I then researched natural ways to get rid of one. Next thing I know, I’m buying and applying Apple Cider Vinegar to this nasty annoyance… and a month later it’s gone forever.

The whole process cost me $1.50. I didn’t have to deal with obnoxious or uninformed doctors. No sitting around in a waiting room for two hours. And nobody poking a knife around behind my ear.

I’d say I discovered a reason to try and take care of things myself.

The Google Warrior

No, I’m not saying that if you’re immobile in violent pain with blood dribbling from your mouth you should start Googling away. Or that if you slice off a finger in the kitchen you should try and heal yourself with vinegar and duct tape. But what I am saying is I personally have more than enough reason to at least give a valiant effort to deal with things on my own before I start messing with doctors.

And this week I scored yet another victory worth celebrating. Problem solved. No doctors, no knives, no drugs. Just effort, an inquisitive mind, a pervasive dislike of doctors’ offices, and a relatively unmatched stubbornness.

Mysterious Chest Pains

What do you do when you get mysterious violent stomach pains that morph into unbearable rib pains?

Well, if you’re a normal person, you run to the ER. You freak out that an organ exploded or you’re having a heart attack.

But, my friends, I am no ordinary person. I push my shoulders back, lift my head up high, and grab my computer.

I started Google researching furiously. What organs are in that location? What kind of pains am I feeling, and are they accompanied by any other symptoms?

And by the time all the smoke cleared, I was all but thoroughly convinced that my issue was painful and debilitating, but by no means life-threatening. It sounded exactly like something called costochondritis, a condition where the areas between some ribs are inflamed, causing a massive amount of discomfort.

What the Hell is Costochondritis?

Problem found. Now what? It’s not so simple, since there were not a lot of definitive recommendations out there. The condition was presented as mysterious by many, with unclear ways to solve everything. You might be able to relieve discomfort with a heating pad or Tylenol, but you should get used to lots of pain for an indefinite period to come.

But I wasn’t about to give up, and I started plowing my way through YouTube. Ultimately I found a couple of physical therapists who had really interesting insights, and told about the guy they learned everything from. Long story short, tight ribs in the back manifest in the front with extreme pain. The guy in the video had this problem for seven years!

I started doing a few stretches and self-massage with a baseball, maybe ten minutes of work a day. Within three days I was about 98% pain-free! And so happy I was once able to conquer the keyboard and put my health back on track!

Score Another Point for the Google Doctor Warrior

Like the people in the video, I’ll say this: If you’ve got a violent pain in your chest, going to the Emergency Room might be the best move. But just remember that the experience has the potential of destroying your day with no benefit whatsoever. And a bit of intelligent clickity clack on the keyboard could save you time, money, and a whole crapload of pain and suffering. At least if you’re good at it.

I’m past 40. The pains will pop up from time to time. Life inevitably catches up with everyone. But being passive is not an option. And sometimes I get the pleasure of showing pain who’s really in charge. So score another point for the Google Doctor Warrior!