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I needed a library card, so my daughter could get a book for school.
Sadly, I approach everything in Israel with this attitude: How are they going to make this situation unnecessarily difficult and how is it likely not going to be a smooth and simple interaction?
This attitude is an odd combination of helpful and miserable. It’s helpful because it saves me from a lot of trouble. If I go in ready for anything, I won’t be disappointed when things go poorly. My guard will be up. I’ll be able to continue with my day knowing anything that happened was exactly as I expected it to happen. And if things go smoothly, even in ways a normal person would expect it to, I’ll find myself giddy.
But it’s miserable… because it’s miserable. It’s miserable because it happens so often. It’s miserable because it causes me so much stress. And it’s miserable because who would willingly choose to live in a place where this is the way you need to think in order to cop?
My Library Adventure
So before I stepped foot in the library, I braced myself. I assumed they’d not just make things challenging, but they’d find a unique and interesting way to do so.
But I’m ready. You can’t harm me if I come prepared!
There were two lines. I stood on the shorter of the two.
Now this isn’t related to Israel; however, I do have a long history of always choosing the wrong line. Never go shopping with me. Somehow or other, no matter the situation, my line is wrong. Someone will insist on paying with exact change and then search through their wallet for ten minutes. The cashier will take a ten-minute bathroom break. A customer will have issues with their credit card. Something will always go wrong.
In this case, you can take out books from either line, but could only get a membership from the other line. Of course there was no sign or anything indicating this. But I was not shaken. I came ready to waste time, and time wasting is what I was doing!
Check Please
So I wait on the correct line until I get to the front, upon which I was asked an unforgettably ridiculous question, “Did you bring a check?”
I wanted to reply, “No, because it’s not 1985.” But instead I informed the nice gentleman that I was check-less, and asked for alternative forms of payment.
There were none.
This led to a brief back and forth which ended with no alternative but my returning on Sunday. With a check, of course. And some more lost precious time from my life.
But it’s Israel. We’ve been here before. I know that things go wrong. Often and frequently in ways no one could have ever predicted. I was ready!
Library, Try #2
On Sunday I’d come back with a check, and all would be well with the world.
Yes, I had to ignore the fact that it’s 2024, and one of the most advanced countries in the world is still requiring me to use a check to get a library card. Yes, we can make hundreds of beepers explode throughout Lebanon… but the library can’t figure out how to use credit cards.
But I had all the information I needed to make Sunday a successful adventure.
And once again, I used my advanced knowledge of just how things go here to make sure everything would happen perfectly. I knew when the library opened, but I also knew that opening times here tend to be on the optional side. So I made sure to come about 30 minutes after opening time.
I was armed with information. There were two lines, but only one was the correct one. I wasn’t about to make that mistake again! And, of course, I came with my mighty check book… and just for good measure I lugged along a fax machine and a walkman…
And then I Broke…
Nothing could go wrong now. I had done everything correctly and I was walking out of that place with the sweet, sweet victory… of getting a library card.
I went in with my head held high.
I went to the correct counter this time, but there was no one there. The other clerk gave me a hard time for not going to her, but then I explained I needed a membership and she said the guy–the chosen one, the only one trained in this particular craft–was not yet there. I asked when he would be arriving and was told about a half hour, more or less.
And I broke down.
Why?
How?
Am I supposed to stand here waiting for a half hour, perhaps far longer, because the person working there couldn’t be bothered to come when he was supposed to?
I once had a job where I was five minutes late and my employers gave me a hard time for the rest of the year. But arrival times, I guess, in some places are just a suggestion.
We Can Do Better
I have written before about how you have to include in your schedule in Israel extra time daily for the crazy whatevers that seem inevitable and ubiquitous. I am thoroughly aware that these things happen here and don’t seem to be declining in any way.
But I just can’t seem to fully get used to it.
I want to wake up in the morning and feel that my day won’t get derailed by nonsense. I want to feel like I’m living in the bastion of modernity we supposedly are. I want to just be able to get a library card without feeling like I need to put my guard up, without feeling like I’m walking into the next thing that will unnecessarily annoy me and waste my time.
Israel, you have come a long way. The swamps have been drained. We have a peace treaty with Egypt and normalized relations with the United Arab Emirates. The technology rolling out of Tel Aviv is nothing short of remarkable.
But there’s a lot more to a society.
And we can do better. We can do a whole lot better.
