I Don’t Get Eurovision

I have a confession. I don’t get Eurovision.

There are a lot of things in this world I don’t understand. TikTok trends. Buying pre-torn pants. Massive obsession with sports. But the wild fascination with this annual music competition truly perplexes me more than most things.

What in the world is Eurovision?

So, first, if you’re reading this, and you grew up in America, you very well might legitimately be saying right now, “What the hell is Eurovision?” And it’s an incredibly reasonable question.

I don’t think I heard of Eurovision until a few years ago when Israel’s representative won… with this absolutely bizarre and oddly catchy (???) song. I do humbly apologize if it gets stuck in your head. It’s an objectively bad song, with even worse lyrics, but for whatever reason it was inescapable for months in Israel. It was like Let It Go all over again.

Anyhow, what is Eurovision? A bunch of countries in Europe (and for some reason Australia and Israel) send an artist to perform a song, replete with dancers, costumes, and tons of visuals, and the performances are voted on until one emerges as the glorious winner. And during all the performances, the countries participating lose their minds. They go nuts about everything. They feel national pride when their person does well, and anger when their person is overlooked.

And while all of Europe is screaming in excitement during this insane display… hundreds of millions of Americans sleep soundly in their beds, entirely unaware that it’s even happening. It’s like the metric system of music competitions.

I’m really glad everyone seems to be having a good time. I am… I just don’t get it.

National Pride

It’s been explained to me that it’s all about supporting your country. And intense loyalty and devotion that results in emphatic excitement when they come out and wow a crowd. And even more excitement when they take home first place, bringing all the glory to their beloved homeland.

And I get all that. To an extent.

I mean, I’ve always been confused by blind loyalty. Good is good. It’s meant to be celebrated. I’ve watched Mixed Martial Arts fights where people are rooting for someone from their home country, regardless of their talent, record, or flair. No, all enthusiasm comes from geographic location.

All things equal, I understand. If my city’s football team is great and so is yours, it’s reasonable, for the most part, that I stand together with my tribe. My brethren. We can all bask in our city’s glory together.

But what if my team is God awful?

And that’s where my confusion begins. I don’t enjoy most spectator sports. However, I can enjoy almost any spectator sport live. I can’t watch American football on TV. But I was fortunate enough to attend four Chiefs games while living in Kansas City, and I loved every minute of them (even the one when it was pouring and absolutely freezing).

I even enjoy baseball when I’m at the game. And I absolutely loathe the sport.

Good is Good

But there was one major exception. I went to an Orioles game once while living in Baltimore, and I could not have been more bored. Everything was bad about the experience. It was slow. The place was not full. The stadium theatrics were lackluster. And there were actually more fans for the opposing team.

The home team played very poorly. And the overall energy was not at all good.

And I left Baltimore after seven interesting years not caring one iota about their famed baseball team.

Why is this relevant? Because quality is quality. Talent is talent. I can appreciate a singer or an athlete, regardless of their country or city of origin. I see no relevance.

Which brings me back to Eurovision.

When I’m watching any of the performances, I feel like it’s geared toward children. That’s not to say the people lack talent, charisma, or showmanship. Or that they didn’t work very hard to put together their displays. It just doesn’t do it for me. I stare at the screen blankly, like I’m the poor dad stuck bringing his kids to go see The Wiggles in concert (I’ve actually been that dad!).

And I feel like I’m sitting there in some alternate reality where thousands upon thousands of Europeans have gathered together to collectively pretend like what they’re seeing isn’t corny. Like they are watching the next big thing in music. How does one react when they’re the only one in the room who hasn’t successfully been hypnotized by the mentalist?

I wish I could appreciate it. I mean, I wish I could appreciate a lot of things I don’t. Many people like gin or camping or going to the beach. And I just sit back confused. But at least for these I can say gin to me tastes like eating flowers, I don’t like bugs or sleeping outside, and sand is gross and gets everywhere. But it makes sense to me that you can enjoy things I don’t, just like I enjoy many things you don’t.

But I do like music. And I appreciate quality dancing and exciting performances. So something here feels drastically different, even if I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Please Let People Have Their Fun

That being said, for whatever reason you love this stuff. And good for you!

Enjoy the ever living hell out of it, while I stare confused by the wayside.

I’m not sure why this phenomenon occurs, but there are folk out there who constantly crap on the way others enjoy themselves.

After Eurovision, my Facebook feed was filled with stories about Israel’s competitor, Noa Kirel. Some were expressing pride at her making it to third place. Some talked about having her song stuck in their head. More than anything, people were sharing a picture that was going around of her on the plane ride home sitting with a prominent rabbi. It was a legitimately adorable story of how they met and struck up a conversation. Definitely read the story.

However, every time I saw any of these threads, I scrolled down through the comments and there was always at least one person who popped in to spoil everyone’s fun. Someone had to comment on the way she was dressed, regarding it as inappropriate and a bad representation for Israel.

This is out of place and thoroughly annoying.

Yes, I know there’s hypocrisy in here, as I write about my distaste for the entire competition. But there’s a time and a place. If someone wants to express their love for a song and admiration for a performer, I’m not going to chime in and say, “I actually thought the song sucked.” Who does that kind of stuff? People with no friends, that’s who.

Everyone should be allowed to have their fun however they choose, without outward obnoxious condemnation from the overly righteous among us. I completely support your right to enjoy your extremely weird music competition!