Four More before 44, a Better Me Awaits

In my last post I wrote about five bucket list items I wished to tackle in year 44. Yeah, I know I’m obsessed with lists and accomplishments. And it’s always fun to be able to point to what you’ve done.

But the best accomplishments in life are often intangible. And, much to my chagrin, they’re immeasurable as well. But they remain the most important, and that’s why I can’t ignore them as I plunge deeper into my 40s.

I want to talk today not about things I wish to accomplish, but personality traits and attitudes I want to focus on in the upcoming year. These are aspects of my personality where I feel I can be doing a whole lot better, but in order to do so, I’m going to need a whole lot more focus as well.

Who knows? Maybe putting my thoughts down here, and subjecting myself to the accountability of the masses, will be just the motivation I need to take the steps to become the person I want to be. And maybe even before I hit the big 44.

Grateful before 44

The first aspect I want to focus on is appreciation. Simply thanking the people in my life, big or small, who deserve recognition. Whether it be the friend who has been with me through thick and thin, or the clerk at the store who was extremely helpful, I often walk away and realize I didn’t acknowledge someone I should have.

And how easy it is to do!

We go through life angry at those who don’t put us on their shoulders and parade us through the city if we hold a door for them. And then we don’t even notice when someone goes out of their way to be there for us.

My job has helped me a lot with recognizing the importance of a little gratitude. Sometimes the tiniest bit of enthusiastic feedback can improve my entire day. And any stress that preceded the positive note, all starts to feel worth it.

I want to be that for other people. I want to never forget to recognize that there is someone sitting behind the computer answering my support question. They may hate their boss. They may have an upcoming surgery they’re worried about. They might have been up all night the previous night with a crying baby. Your gratitude might literally be the only good part of their day.

I want to be thankful for others. All the time!

Generous before 44

It’s not that I’m not generous. I’m a good friend. I try to be attentive. My home has been a place for the weary to rest and feel safe for years.

But when it comes to money, I feel like my fist is clenched tight.

Not to make excuses, but I think it all stems back to a story when I was in college. A man begged me passionately to give him some money for food. I gave and sat back on some steps, so proud I could help another. And while still in my revery, moments later I saw him walk by drinking out of a paper bag.

I was heartbroken. And I’ve been fearful of tossing my money in the trashcan ever since.

Not to mention that it’s still fresh in my memory the day my bank account once got down to six dollars. I was terrified. I was nauseous. And I had no idea what to do.

Financial fears continue to linger with me. They probably always will.

But I want to learn to fight past my concerns. I want to learn how to reach into my pockets and be there for the world when it needs me.

Attentive before 44

This is by no means a unique issue for me in 2020. As a parent and as a husband (and just as a person in general) I want to learn how to be more attentive to whomever I am interacting with.

We are at a very complicated point in history. There are bells and whistles everywhere. It’s so easy to be in the middle of a conversation with someone and after five minutes of talking you realize you missed it. Every single word. Why? Because you were staring down at your phone. In those five minutes you responded to a comment with a meaningless “lol”, liked someone’s cat photo, and mindlessly scrolled past 35 Facebook posts that didn’t interest you.

And completely missed the actual human being standing right in front of you.

I want to get better at concentrating on the amazing soul standing in front of me. You know, like we used to do it in the good ole days. When being someone’s “friend” was not a meaningless online social symbol.

We used to have real conversations. They were beautiful and sometimes life-changing. And they happened without doing twelve other things at the same time.

I want to get better at being present with the person right in front of me. The only one who truly matters at that moment.

Positivity before 44

Finally, I have a trait that has plagued me for as long as I can remember. I am a cynic.

This might come as no surprise to anyone who’s spent a minute or two on my blog (or with me). I tend to look at the worst possible way things can turn out. Sadly, I’m often correct.

Nevertheless, I’m not this way by choice. Some of it is a result of circumstance. Some of it is just buried deep within my personality. And still, some of it is probably a defense mechanism. If I expect the worst from all situations, I’ll never be disappointed or upset when things don’t turn out well.

But it’s simply not who I want to be.

I want to look at circumstances and see the good in them. I want to be able to interpret situations in my favor. To see likely positive outcomes. To perceive the good in others.

Meanwhile, I’m stuck in a cynic’s body. OK, fine, I’m a likable cynic. A pleasant cynic, if you will. But a cynic nonetheless, and I want to start the process of perceiving greater positives in the world around me.

For sure if I open my eyes wide enough, they’ve got to be there!

Happy birthday to me…