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And there we were. Yitzchak and Devorah, somehow in a relationship.
Against all odds.
I didn’t want to date. I made that abundantly (and now embarrassingly) clear. But I was extremely happy.
The real question at this point would be:
What happens now?
Break on Through to the Other Side
We broke through that odd first chunk of time where we liked one another, but didn’t know what the other one was thinking or feeling. Clearly what was “just a date” would develop into a full-fledged relationship, and very quickly.
Obviously we each had our own world of feelings and emotions we needed to work through. I cannot speak on behalf of Devorah, and it is not my place to tell anyone’s thoughts or feelings but my own.
But I certainly had a complicated road ahead of me.
On one hand, I really liked this wonderful new woman in my life. She made me laugh and smile. She was thoughtful, kind, sweet, and caring. Honestly, more than I could ever hope for.
But I was sailing down a river with massive amounts of baggage weighing down my sailboat. And I couldn’t for a moment presume to know how to deal with the craziness that was about to come.
I was sailing down a river with massive amounts of baggage weighing down my sailboat. And I couldn't for a moment presume to know how to deal with the craziness that was about to come. Share on X
How it was “Supposed” to Go
I declared quite a few times that if I were to ever get married again, it would go like this:
We would start off as friends. We would spend a great deal of time together, hanging out, having lots of fun, enjoying each other’s company and discourse. And at some point, quite a while later, we would look at each other and realize that we couldn’t imagine living apart from one another.
There is a phrase in Hebrew that roughly translates to “beloved friends”, and this strikes me as the ideal concept of a relationship. We are absolutely through and through the best friends imaginable.
We also happen to have fallen madly in love with one another.
But this ultimately was not my destiny. Thank goodness I’m open enough to welcome surprises into my life!
Devorah and the Proposal
A matter of months after our first date I found myself on one knee asking this amazing angel of a person to be my wife.
Some people have asked me along the way, “Why so soon? Didn’t you think it would be a good idea to wait longer?”
Wait longer? Wait longer!? I had to fight against the urge to propose way earlier than I actually did!
Sometimes in life there are things that are just so clear. No, there was no year-long friendship preceding an inevitable romance. Not even close! What was there? Clarity. Absolute clarity.
Sometimes you just know.
And sometimes it feels like God is shoving you in a certain direction, and any amount of resistance is completely and totally pointless.
It’s like we have always been one soul. We drifted apart for a few decades. But the reunion was remarkable!
253: Our Number
A fun story:
This past Yom Kippur I was walking along, just enjoying my own thoughts. I decided to check something on a whim.
In Hebrew, every letter of the alphabet is assigned a number. And there is a mystical practice known as gematria that attributes a great deal of significance to these numbers. My full Hebrew name is “Yitzchak Adam” and I did the math in my head: 253. OK, fine. A nice solid number there.
Then I tried out Devorah’s name (Devorah Leah) and stood there in confused awe when the number 253 popped up again.
I checked. And rechecked. And then rechecked some more.
I don’t know what it means. And it certainly wouldn’t have been enough on its own to propel our relationship forward. But it’s definitely fascinating. And it’s nice to feel like we’re being watched over and coaxed into something so great, so special.
Married in a Year
Another fun story:
Devorah and I were chatting on the phone, already engaged at this point. For whatever reason she had taken a peak at her Amazon Wish List. Something caught her eye, at first confusing her.
One of the books on her list was called ‘How to Get Married in a Year or Less‘.
The date seemed odd, since it was very recent but she did not remember placing the book on the list. Then she realized the date was from a previous year… and she placed the book on her wish list precisely one year before our first date.
In the words of my very intelligent, very intuitive son:
Can the world have made things any more clear? I mean, between the dress story, the name gematria, and the book story, isn’t it just so obvious you were meant to be together?
These are the words of a 15-year old!
Sometimes you have to look to the words of a child to see the truths of the world.
Confusion and Clarity
So there we were. In a relationship.
I was confused as anything, since I had made a giant 180 in my approach to life. But at the same time, something was just so abundantly clear. I started deleting any dating apps or profiles I had. And I started looking toward the future.
Devorah and I had many a hill to climb. But we put on our climbing shoes and started shoving our way past any of the obstacles in the road.
It was quite clear this was no ordinary relationship. And important steps were imminent.
My poor children have been through a lot. They watched their parents divorce. They went off to live in another country and were separate from their father for an entire year.
I knew how traumatic it could be to bring another person into their lives, and I wouldn’t even consider doing so unless the person had an exceptional character.
And there I was, without an ounce of hesitation. Devorah was the perfect person to have in my life, and someone I was ecstatic to introduce to my children.
And as predicted, they love her.
What’s not to love?
Sending love and best wishes to you both!!